I’ve always been a girl that has a double life. One for real and one in my head. Sometimes it’s an escape, quite often it’s just a challenge. There were always mental images of myself leading that life, and they didn’t always coincide with reality.
I think the strongest image up til now is one I came up with when trying to write a fantasy novel (very much inspired as I was then by David Eddings and similar universes). I’ll never ever finish that novel. I’m not a fiction writer. But, the main character stuck.
I pictured a young woman, alone, living in a large sed, surrounded by nature and animals. She knew a lot about herbs and was creative and self-sufficient. She loved foraging, and making everything she needed. I know I know, that’s a very romantic picture of a probably very hard life.
What makes her more interesting nowadays, is her personality. She has a calm nature, is quiet without being timid, chooses her words wisely, doesn’t ever get tempted to gossip and doesn’t yell. Ever.
She finds peace and contentment in the simple things, loves cooking and baking and does so without making messes (how on earth does she manage to do that?). She folds laundry like a pro, she doesn’t mind cleaning, her beds are always fresh and fluffy. Television never gets turned on, she’s always happy to get out the art supplies, including paint, can play for hours with little cars and dinosaurs and never tires of playing hide and seek.
She waits happily for her husband to come home from work without falling asleep, and she engages with him an interesting and passionate conversation about whatever subject seems right at the moment.
Yes, she sounds annoyingly perfect. But having her in my mind gives me rest. Because she exists, somewhere in my head, somewhere in my heart, somewhere in my soul. And because I admire her, and she is kind and sweet and compassionate and close, her presence doesn’t drag me down, but lifts me up and inspires me.
And for that she can be as annoyingly perfect as she likes.
Do you have an imaginary self?